Log: DQon
Audiolog Code: DQon (Spoken by EarlyCanon?JR) Alright! So! Good news, and bad news. The good news is that the last transmission was NOT, in fact, the ironic last thing you hear before disaster. 'Cause this (wood?) exists and it's--it's after the disaster. Yaaay! Okay. Okay. Okay. So, you know how my philosophy is I can't break reality too hard if I keep all my shit, y'know, nicely confined into simulations and theoreticals and yadda yadda yadda. It turns out, it turns out, restraint being a thing is still ACTUALLY a thing and I can't I can't just code around needing restraint. Okay, I'm rambling, ah, fuck, okay... uh... Ghoa, ghoa was not uh... ghoa was not benign, or maybe ghoa WAS benign but now there's a new thing and the new thing is Deacon. Um, so I--I tried to fix things, I mean, you know, of course! There's a weird, glitchy thing--I found there was a bug, it wasn't just a prank I did on myself, it wasn't something I made, that should've been my first clue that was something going very very very very wrong. Okay, so, you remember, okay, so Matriorbs, they are an important thing right? So, I decided to... This is embarrassing.... I decided that if there wasn't going to be a Matriorb, that what I was going to do was come up with a good way to get some--some genetic diversity into the troll population, right? So that's WigglerSim. It's--there's almost no way it can fuck up. It just generates random avatars, and--and, you know, a little bit of genetic information for new trolls, you know? It--it... Better than nothing. We can all agree to that. But. Okay, um... so you remember how I said the avatar system is just completely theoretical, it's just for trying stuff out... I wired that into the ectobiology. That was, I mean... It was an entire system for randomizing data, I... Okay. Okay, so ghoa got into WigglerSim… and... a non-trivial proportion of trolls' future turned into this weird, glitchy... canon-looking First Guardian with a gun and started shooting people... that, that is something but, but.. okay, okay, I'm talking to you now, so you know it turned out fine, right? Right? Wasn't that bad. So I mean, yes, people... mistakes were made, Lives were lost, but... I figured out how to stop him... Um... So the big thing is that Deacon.... uh... so that's, that's a new Big Bad, uh... ShogunBot had a field day gathering data on him, so I'm really--really appreciate ShogunBot here um… So Deacon, what he does, he can turn anyone into copies of himself, um... You can sorta tell which one's the original, so that's--that's good, they're not literal copies. It's not completely viral. You can sorta tell which one's the original. But copies can turn people into copies of, of Deacon as well. They shoot people, they, they're ominous, uh... uh... don't recommend spending any amount of time around him, but, but but but, but but... okay? Classic mind control rules, okay? All you have to do, and maybe I should've led with this to make it more of a... warning... broadcast... I'm... I... we literally just figured this out, okay? Um, all you have to do is say his fucking--okay not Deacon's name, don't say Deacon's name, god no. All you have to do is say the original's name. Yes? With wigglers that's a little bit weird cause we let the Jadebloods do whatever the fuck they wanted. So there's--there's a lot of very dramatic moments where people shouted things like Colonel Snufflebottoms but it works, okay? You say Colonel Snufflebottoms and Colonel Snufflebottoms becomes himself again and isn't deacon. So you just gotta do that. So y'know, anyone you care about, you do know their name, right? It's--it's barely even a problem, really! I--I mean, yes, again, okay, I'm, I'm not trying to be, I'm not trying to compete with that Waste of Space for asshole creator points here, okay? My heart goes out to the victims of this, but, it's still better than not having a way for trolls to reproduce, right? Yeah.... So, okay. In conclusion, say your friend's name if they turn into a creepy monster wearing an orange jacket with a gun. Can't hurt. JR out... Fuck... Category:PassPhrases